ashlinnwhoa

That's what my LJ is... NEGLECTED! Forgive me, please.

School is school.
Friends are friends.
Family is family.
Life is life.
AND I LOVE IT ALL!

The future freaks me out, but in a way the uncertainty is kind of reassuring. I don't really know what path to take, and all of the WHAT IFS? used to scare me, but not anymore. I'm going to make something of my life, and it's going to be great [at least that's the plan]! And with all the uncertainty of the future it's made me take a look at the certainties in my life. Like my family and my friends, who I know will always be there to support me in every aspect of the word. I'm fortunate, and I know I'm going to be happy. I'm going to have to work REALLY hard at it, but in the end it will all pay off.

I am going to fall asleep with a smile on my face. Because I can.

FINALLY! The semester from hell is over! I don't think I have ever worked so hard at school in my life! But, it all paid off in the end because I have a 3.75 for the semester. I'm gonna take moment out of my day to pat myself on the back.
And SO the last semester of my undergraduate career begins in January. I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm doing after graduation. Do I go on to more school? Do I get a job? Do I do both?! It's too much to think about right now, but I feel like I've put it off long enough. My New Year's resolution is to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. No big deal...

Got my gall bladder out on the 18th. It was quite the experience. The first night was rough but I am kicking this surgery's ASS! Recovery hasn't been too bad, and I can't complain.

2009 as a whole was weird. I cannot wait for 2010 to begin. The future holds SO much potential, and I'm pretty damn excited about it =]

Sir Paul McCartney. Sure, he's old now, but he still knows how to rock out! I love The Beatles! My mom and I MUST to see this guy perform live!
Technology. My sister is coming home today from spending a week in Florida [lucky bitch] and you can track her flight from the time it took off till the time it landed. Latitude, longitude, speed, altitude. EVERYTHING! Kind of creepy, but really cool at the same time.
Um, that's really the only thing that is blowing my mind right about now...
Sad? Or awesome?

Begin rant about school.
THIS SEMESTER NEEDS TO END!!!! So many papers to write in the next three weeks [six to be exact], so little time!!! I'm so over school. I'm so over school. I'm so over school. I'm sof jfsfdff! May 15th, come to me NOW!!!! I hate papers. I hate meetings. I hate professors. I hate responsibilities. I hate milkshakes!!!!
End rant about school.

So, I'm sitting here watching 'Say Anything' and I'm wondering why the world can't be full of Lloyd Doblers. I don't think its fair that these writers create these perfect men, and then put them into movies. It gives all the women of the world a false sense of reality. I cannot tell you what I would give to have a guy blast Peter Gabriel outside of my window. AHHHHH!!! To dream...

Anyway...
Yeah...
Bye!

THE PHILLIES ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!! I'm pretty excited about it, can you tell?! The boys are on fire!!! I love it!
In other news..
School sucks, but I'm working my way through it. My classes are really hard, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on my work. Inspired by the wise words of Christopher Walken, I've got a fever, and the only prescription is May 15. Never having to write another 10-20 page paper sounds so good to me right about now!
I was hospitalized two weeks ago for gallstones... nbd. I have never experienced pain like that in my life, and I would really like it if I never had to spend the night in the hospital ever again, unless it is to et my gallstones removed, OR if I am giving birth to a child. Other than that, I plan on staying far far away from those sterile institutions. 
Family is good. 
Boyfriend is good.
Friends are superb.
I couldn't be more blessed. 

 Have you ever had one of those crazy conversations with someone, and you end up not going to bed until 5 am? That happened to me last night... I love my life!!!!

I can understand why so many people fall in love with the Outer Banks. North Carolina is beautiful! This week has made all the stress and stupid stuff that happened to me this summer seem worth it. I'm so relaxed, and it feels great! I don't know how I'm supposed to go from this relaxing, stress free place, to PHILADELPHIA! FMLFMLFML.

In a way, I'm SO relieved to be going back to school. I need a break from the First State. But I am really dreading my classes! This is the last year of my undergraduate career and I'm absolutely terrified. What the hell am I going to do with my life?!

I have to write down my schedule somewhere so I don't forget between now and Sunday. I hate all the HUGE gaps I have in between each class. And I hate my Monday's and Wednesday's. Class real early, nothing ALL day, then class again. Weird, but I can deal with a three day weekend. 
Monday/Wednesday
9:30- 10:45 Historiography
4:00- 5:15 Literature Into Film
Tuesday/Thursday
9:30- 10:45 Modern China
12:30- 1:45 Moral Theology
4:00- 5:15 African American Slavery

My schedule is super jacked up, but I think I gave myself a pretty light work load. That Historiography class is going to make me cry. It meets in the library... You know that that can't be good. 

One more day of relaxation and goodness in OBX. I could definitely live like this... 

I don't wanna leave!

Confused. August 30th cannot come sooner! I'm in desperate need of a change of scenery. Delaware is getting old. Senior year of college!!! Time has flown by it seems. I've got to make this year the best year of my life. 

Just saw 'District 9'. I didn't particularly enjoy it, but as bad as I feel for admitting it, I did enjoy my company. 

OuterBanks, North Carolina, HERE I COME! Hurricane Bill, you best stay the hell away from me!!!

FML FML FML

 The past couple of weeks have been so odd. Connor and I have improved a lot since the now infamous voicemail. There's been a lot of tears, and, I've lost about ten pounds! [Do I really need to get dumped in order to lose weight?!] Right now we're in a weird place, but it's a different place, which is a step in the right direction I think. It's such a confusing situation, I don't really know how to describe it. I still love him, like I said, and I always will. 

In other news, I'm almost done work. I just found out the county wants me to work an extra week so I'm kind of excited about that. I can't complain about getting an extra $400. These kids are driving me kind of crazy at this point, but I really do love the people I work with. I guess I love the kids too, even though make me want to pull my hair out most days. 

I'm going down to the beach for a couple of days with Connor. Don't really know how that's going to go. I might be kicking myself in the ass after I get home from this trip, but maybe it will help us. Wish me luck!!!

 I woke up this morning to a voicemail from Connor. In it, he stated that he no longer thought we should be together. This voicemail was left at 2:30 am. Words cannot express how uncomfortable and terrible I felt when, less than an hour after I listened to the wretched voicemail, I came face to face with the lousy human being who left it. I'm hurt. I'm sad. I'm scared. And I'm alone. 

Over the past several months I have noticed a change from his side, but also my side. I saw myself relying on him less and less, mostly because I knew I couldn't rely on him. I also noticed that he was getting more and more into the 'party' scene. Alcohol caused a major divide in our relationship. He didn't have time for me when it came down to staying in with me on a Friday night, or going to a party. 

I understand that relationships fall off course and sometimes end. I think I am at peace with that idea (for now). I know that I can't force someone to love me.  But the thing that hurts me the most is what I gave up to be with him for so long. First of all, I broke the heart of probably one of the sweetest guys who ever walked the planet. Second, I lost friendships, or damaged them so much so that I don't know if I will ever be able to repair them ever again. Maybe college causes friendships to grow distant, but I know that Connor was the main reason for many of my friendships to fall apart. 

I'm devastated, and confused. I don't know where to even begin to pick up my life again. He was such a big part of my life for so long. Maybe I lost sight of who I truly was and what I really wanted. Either way, this was a learning experience to say the least. It is obvious to me now that we are two people moving in two completely different directions in life.

I will love him forever, and like him for always. He had my heart for years, and will probably still hold it through the days and weeks to come. And in the days a weeks to come I know I will need shoulders to cry on and people to make me laugh, but I realize that those shoulders and laughs will be hard to come by. I don't really know how to end this.

This summer needs to slow down! I've been home for two months, but I need more time. I need more money. I need more long nights. I need it all. Chestnut Hill has none of that waiting for me. All Chestnut Hill has to offer is 9 am classes everyday, and an inflated tuition bill. BARF! 

I love work. I have so much fun working with kids. This summer has really helped me decide what I want to pursue after graduation. Education. I know it's not going to be easy, and maybe the pay off in the end won't make me a millionaire, but I can't imagine wasting my life in a cubicle in some idle office somewhere answering to some fat CEO. The idea of helping people makes me smile; Crunching numbers does not. 

The Phillies game today was awesome. I witnessed a major league grand slam. I feel accomplished. I had so much fun today. Plus I love just having  a girl's day. Boys are too much stress. Girls are more fun! 

Well, another week of work begins tomorrow. Should be a breeze!

 So, today I was humped by a mentally challenged kid...

It's gonna be a great summer!!!

Never thought the day would come that I would actually be able to go into a liquor store and buy alcohol, but that day finally arrived. I was carded one out of the two times I purchased alcohol and it felt GREAT! I feel like I'm finally an adult. 

Training week for work has been ridiculously boring, but I can't complain about getting a pay check again. Of course we've had to do numerous team building exercises and had a ton of speakers come in, which can get old after the first five hours of sitting in a freezing cold conference room. I did meet this one lady yesterday from Gore. She was pretty insightful and apparently she knows my dad really well. I took her card. I think I'll be calling her in six months looking for a job. Hopefully my charming personality, and the fact that she likes my dad, will help me get in there! Also, today we did a team building exercise where we sat in a circle of five or six people and threw a ball to one another and say something we like about the other person. Well I had a girl tell me that she liked how I made her feel welcomed in the group. I just about died! That really did make me feel good about myself! I doubt she even realized it, but she really mae my day... Well, her and the lady at the liquor store who carded me. And to top that off, everyone sang me happy birthday at the end of the day! 

Overall, my 21st birthday was great! I didn't get trashed, but the way I look at it, there's plenty of time for that later on... Like when I don't have work the next day at 8am. And next week begins the eight weeks of hell that make up my summer vacation. Thirty- something kids running and screaming everyday! I love my job. I love my job. I love my job!

Not too much to say. I begin work tomorrow. I don't understand why New Castle County finds it necessary to have an entire week filled with common sense material everyone should know about children by the time they're adults. If a kid falls and cuts his knee, what do you do? If two kids are fighting, what do you do? What do you do when you hear thunder or see lightening? The whole week is really an insult to the intelligence of the entire summer camp staff. It's quite offensive now that I think about it. 

In other news, Wednesday I turn the big 2-1! I'm not overly excited about that because, in all honesty, I've been drinking since I was fourteen. The neighborhood kids were a terrible influence on me. I can't help but be a little bit excited though. It is quite the milestone. 

Um. Yeah... BYEZZZZ!

 Since this summer has thus far proved to be rather uneventful I have formed a number of random, trivial questions in my mind. First, what is going to happen to Jon and Kate, from 'Jon and Kate Plus 8', and more importantly, who is at fault for destroying their fairy tale life? My bets are not on marital infidelity, but on their daughter Madeline. She is quite the bitchy 8-year-old, and I would not put it passed her to break them up. Next, what exactly is a 'disco stick' that Lady Gaga refers to in her song 'LoveGame'? I have a pretty good idea of what it might be, but I'm not entirely sure. And more importantly, what is up with Lady Gaga? I love her catchy dance tunes as much as the next person, but her outward appearance kind of frightens me. If you care to look, take a gander at the new issue of Rolling Stone magazine. The Lady is on the cover. I don't think I even need to explain. Lady Gaga is a pop sensation, I cannot argue with that, but I also think she may have a wannabe drag queen in her somewhere as well. 

The next two questions are not as trivial as the first two, but still, just as important in my mind. Why is is it such a big deal that a Latino woman was nominated to the Supreme Court? Judge Sonia Sotomayor has been subjected to public scrutiny since President Obama gave her the nomination on Monday. Over the past three hundred years a Supreme Court made up of almost entirely white males judges have passed and overruled Supreme Court decisions that our nation should be ashamed of, quite frankly. Slavery, segregation, abolition. Some of the United States most embarrassing judgment calls were decisions made by an entirely white, male Supreme Court. So, with that said, I welcome Judge Sotomayor with open arms and a positive attitude. The United States has always prided itself on being the most sophisticated, and advanced country in the world, yet we are hung up on electing a Latino woman to the Supreme Court? In the year 2009 electing a minority into public office should no longer be a question. Neither should the next issue that has been troubling my mind for the past few weeks. GAY MARRIAGE! I refuse to rant about this non issue for too long, because to me, and the majority of my peers, gay marriage is not a controversial topic. But, until the fat old WHITE MEN who run this country realize it is only a MORAL issue to in their PERSONAL OPINIONS gay citizens of America will have to deal with the prejudices of our government. It's a sad reality to live with, and I feel sorry for those who have to deal with all of the, for a lack of a better word, bullshit. 

Ah, this rant felt great! I have just had it with the news media, and the conservative shit that is stuffed down millions of American's throats every night. On a less serious note, I went to a Coldplay concert last night. Chris Martin has stage presence like no other. They powned!!!

So anyway, agree with my opinions or don't. Either way it makes me feel better. And this time in two weeks I will be legally drinking my first alcoholic beverage. I wonder if it will taste any better when it's legal? That is the next question that will plague my mind!

 Okay, I'm back!!!

Summer vacation thus far can be summed up in two words; BORING and BUSY! I am aware the two words kind of contradict each other, but I have had days where I am so busy I don't have a single minute relax, and days where I get sick of relaxing. I shouldn't be complaining though. I would rather be bored out of my mind than still taking classes. Thank God the unforgiving Spring 2009 semester is over!!! All my hard work paid off though because I made the Dean's List, AGAIN! Ha, suck on that Chestnut Hill College!!!

I start work in about three weeks, so until then I am going to attempt to not spend too much money, and work on my tan. 

In conclusion to this pointless entry, I really want to see 'Land of the Lost'. I loved the show when I was younger, and Will Farrell is my hero. 

 I am in utter shock that I am officially a senior in COLLEGE!!! It seems like just yesterday I was in senior in HIGH SCHOOL!!! It is a very scary thought that this time next year I will be officially out in the "real world" attempting to "contribute" to society and "make something" of my life... The outlook on that forecast does not look too good. 
So now, summer time is here, aka time to go to work! I am once again selling myself to the government and working for the Department of Parks and Recreation, as a camp counselor. I hate kids, but I cannot beat the money, or the hours. Plus I get to work with my boo everyday so I can't really complain! 
Uh, soooo that's all I have to say about my boring little life. My computer died about a week ago so I was cyberspace deprived! I felt sick to my stomach everyday not being able to stalk Facebook, or update my status on Twitter [Yeah, I know, LAME]. Thank God those Geniuses at the Apple Store know what they're talking about! But now my iTunes is completely empty, and ALL my Photobooth pictures are gone!!! 
I need summer.
I need  the sun.
I need the heat.
I need my birthday.
And Phillies games.
And fireworks.
And walks.
And swimming.
Bring it on!!!!

New LiveJournal.
New me.
Seems appropriate.

Today begins my final week of school. I have mixed emotions about this year ending. In some ways, I'm overjoyed.  I decided that if I can live with five girls, then I can live anywhere, with anyone. So many different personalities ready to clash with each other at any given moment. This year has not been easy in the least bit, and I have been enjoying the idea of summer vacation for weeks now. I will be working for the county again. Another fun filled summer of gross little children. I couldn't ask for a better, more rewarding job!
SO as much as I'm excited for summer and warm weather, I am also petrified for this year to come to an end. You see, this year ending means that next year is my last year of college. After that, who the hell knows where I will be, or what I'll be doing. The thought scares the living shit out of me. Me, out in the real world? Trying to find a job?!?!? Ahaha, funny joke!
Hopefully I will remember this thing exists! I will try to keep cyberspace updated on my dull life!